It All Comes Down to Self Interest

The small conflicts in my life typically end with inaction or avoidance, because I am one of those people who tend to let small things go rather than confront them. Usually in these cases the conflict dissipates or I adapt to the situation. Other times, the small conflict may later return in the form of a more pervasive conflict. Larger conflicts typically end with some sort of problem solving, generally in the form of a conversation with the others in the conflict. For example, a conflict with my roommates would typically end by us talking about the issues and coming up with a solution that works for everyone., maybe a new way of doing things. Sometimes in these conversations the solution is simple but other times it requires a complete restructuring of the relationship between myself and the other person. Recognition of our interdependence or a feeling either that things have gotten exhaustingly difficult to bear or that fixing the problem would be more beneficial and simpler than continuing the conflict contribute to their resolution.

In the world around me, I notice that conflicts typically only end when there is some sort of stalemate, when either or both parties recognize that continuing the conflict is costly to them and that ending the conflict may in fact be more beneficial. People’s behaviors in conflicts are typically based on self-interest, at least on some level. I also think that power has a huge effect on how conflicts end, what the outcome is and whether it sticks.