My conflicts usually escalate in a conflict spiral model, in which escalation is interplay between myself and the other party. I’m generally a pretty non-confrontational person, so I don’t approach conflict as a contender, but I’m definitely reactive enough that someone cannot push to escalate the conflict without eliciting a response from me. I generally don’t enjoy conflict escalation, but sometimes I feel like if you are really upset with the other person, you can get some sort of strange satisfaction out of the escalation process. Psychologically, the processes of blame and reduced empathy can make the conflict easier to handle in the short term. Following stereotypical female behavior, I tend to engage in passive-aggressive behaviors like gossiping. This is really a form of escalation because it is an effort at group solidarity- you want people on your side, backing you up. Feeling like you have this support can be gratifying but also contributes to escalation because it makes you feel that your goal is legitimate. I think I usually tend to contribute to escalation when I am angry or feel a sense of blame towards someone. Personally, when I feel afraid or shameful I am more likely to internalize those feelings than to allow them to escalate a conflict with another person. While feelings of shame or fear may change my attitude or perceptions of the situation, on reflection I seldom act on those. If I do, I reframe my feelings as hostile. Personally I think I need these feelings of anger and vindication to act.
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